still sad 10 years after divorce

Friendship is not what I want at all. With both of us attending 2 of our childrens graduations, the sadness creeped up on me and has been lingering. Yet in our many hard years since the marriage ended, there was a great deal of good in our little household of one mom, two boys and a big mutt. We must live with the choices we made and carry on, I dont feel bitter just very sad x, Yes, that is exactly what we & countless others must do. I have done nothing but cried and act emotionally out of control since I received the summons out of nowhere. "@type": "FAQPage", Divorce Hangover: Pain That Won't Stop I often hear wives say things like: "Sure, he's sorry . The betrayal is devastating. A ten-year marriage is also considered to be a long-term marriage by the Social Security Administration. Most Famous Female Pop Artists of the 70s, The History of the Basketball The Actual Ball, Guide to the Absolutely Strangest Things on Earth, Strange and Unusual Ceremonies and Traditions Around the World. The days I dont see my son are brutally hard. I do however, fear that my deep deep regret over leaving my husband and the associated guilt will eventually tear us apart. And after all, since my boys are no longer children, these days its at those events that I am most likely to be interacting with my sons at the holidays, a graduation, some other special celebration. Believe me, God sees everything and He is a God of Justice, but His word says that we must forgive, not that they deserve it, but if and when we do, we start experiencing peace within us and start the process of healing. In the dream, I'm still married to my ex-husband; we are fighting and he's getting ready to move out. Coparenting is tough. I will give my daughter away to her man at the alter with trepidation and, as has been said, I will smile whilst enduring the pain of a family event without the man with whom I created her. Thank you for this article. I dont see them as often as Id like but when I do I enjoy every moment. I am glad I read this. Perhaps it is an aftereffect of the years I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. after 5 years the pain I think is worse . My exhusband moved on quickly and even has a new baby. I am fairly young (late-30s), and I still feel that I want children. I am also 10 years on and, although as you say sadness and happiness can coexist, there is a very quiet, still, invisible presence he has never really gone away from my heart and mind. Im very happy to find this essay tonight, and the comments you have all left. Intellectually I see all the reasons to be apart from him but buried deep in my heart I still have a longing for what was supposed to be. Other people here have shown me that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel, and I cannot thank you all enough for that. You may consider it phantom pain, but its pain nonetheless. At the 10-year mark, 90% of the women and 70% of the men still felt that the divorce was the right decision. Although my ex did apologize, he never really clarified WHY he left. 11. I was 21 and immature and didn't know how to communicate in a healthy manner & I have an . It hurts and brings confusion to the children. Allow Yourself to Be Jealous. Will this date ever come without me noticing? Mine left me after 40 years, for a woman 25 years younger. And heres an irony out of the blue, I checked an email account that I only check maybe 2X a year and my ex had emailed me I have not heard anything from him in over 10 years, I lived in the same city as him for 16 years and now? This article really resonates with me. Especially finding out about the other persons affair 2 years later and how it was happening for much longer. 10 years is more than enough my dear. { This is no doubt an essential tool directly after infidelity has occurred, but it may be even important in dealing with infidelity years later. I have really enjoyed reading everyones story and I realise now that I am very normal 10 years on. "name": "Does divorce hurt even after years? The article has been made in association with DivorceFiller the service for preparing divorce papers online. I never should have married the guy in the first place, but divorcing him was just horrible. Shelia sorry to hear about your story. I see my family, our friends, most couples I know retiring together, doing life together, enjoying grandchildren together, but everything we do, well its not the same. I truly struggle for what was and more for the family and and life I once knew. He didnt ask for forgiveness, nor can I find it in my heart to forgive him the hurt and emptiness is too deep. Good luck to everyone here as well divorce is tough but we are tougher . You have summed up my sentiments towards my ex as if I had typed this out! Its not easy to find realistic articles on the very-long-term type of pain resulting from a divorce, so this one was a breath of fresh air. You may continue hurting 10 years later because of being fed with negative information of your ex-wife thereby holding you from getting over your past hurts. Add in a young child, and the other spouse refusing to work on things, rather, cut bait and get out immediately with no reason. Similar experience for me I met my ex at age 19, he divorced me at age 60 to be with his still-married coworker. Almost 6 years later and it still hurts. The anger caught me off guard today, for I thought my heart had healed; deep sadness can still come around, this time of year, and I am relieved to know it isnt uncommon. I am with a wonderful man now and I am happy, and still sad too. Im happily remarried, yet Im still sad 17 years later. We just needed to voice our shared experience. But that is life I am told and at 49 years old, starting over dirt poor and broken is not ideal. His children have never been told his address and were informed of his second marriage after the event. I barely get 3 hours a night sleep and am super lucky if I get 4 hours, while he goes on cruises several times a year and vacations several times a year with his new wife. It hurts badly, no matter how long. When you hear the word "divorce," there are a handful of images that probably come to mindtwo adults arguing, a sad child stuck in the middle, and maybe even a contentious courtroom battle.But when a marriage ends, it's far more complex than that.For one, you may never even be in a courtroom with your ex, and secondly, there are some truly positive effects of a divorce that you may not have . I couldnt say more because this is the solution to becoming a happy person after grieving for over 10 years. He was my best friend, husband and mentor. Its been more than a dozen years, but the fact of my divorce, the speed with which the marriage unraveled, the ease with which my spouse moved on, the tumultuous aftermath that dragged on for a decade, the onslaught of related losses All of it still hurts. I hope they see that what is good in life can outweigh the hurt of our deepest disappointments. The marriage deteriorated. Why are you holding onto it? Never have found out exact reason, except maybe money. Ive been struggling with anxiety. trouble sleeping or insomnia. Divorce was 5 years ago. I pray daily for all those who have been broken by betrayal and abandonment. I never imagined the heart would be in such conflict with the mind. My children are grown and many milestones are coming up. We just arent on the same level. I divorced the following year. Thank you again for sharing your stories. But I really related to the authors comments about how many family traditions especially holiday celebrations have been irrevocably impacted. Good behavior towards your ex will help you overcome the heartbroken experience that you have had all along for a long time. Remember that you can make it on your own, have a positive mindset and accept to move on. I live my life, then something triggers the pain all over again, even a simple thing like a beautiful sunset: why isnt he here to share this? Its like a phantom limb. Youre getting something out of it or you would be healing and moving forward. Thank you for putting your experience to paper which identifies the common pain we shareand doing it so perfectly. I know it is possible to lose conscious contact with that inner peace and love, and I know how tempting it is to think that our love walked away when we parted ways with our dream mate - but if you perpetuate this delusion you cause yourself much more pain.One of the best tools for moving on and letting go of past traumas, regrets, losses and so on - is Meridian Tapping/EFT. She left because she no longer wanted marriage and to go down the path we were heading e.g. "The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside." - Sam Vaknin. And yes, so much collateral damage. But thats good, hes learning from his father, its ok to feel certain emotions, no matter how much time has passed. You deserve to feel love and to love and be loved. I have my kids back in my life. Not seen ones own child daily especially when very young is so excruciating. I am not a bitter woman. And, you can still love someone else, in spite of what you feel for her. You are welcome to reach out to me at, [emailprotected] Bless you! My divorce happened suddenly and unexpectedly (to me) 12 years ago after 26 years of marriage. The unearthing of secrets when, like a woman possessed, I became Miss Marple, Agatha Christie would have approved. People will go to a bar t drink overnight to forget the pains in them. Our daughter is getting married this year, to a lovely chap but my cynicism remembers the lovely young chap I put my faith and future in! I wanted to keep my family together but could not. I had so many changes to adjust to. I am now very poor and work my butt off to just pay rent on a small apartment. So.i take some comfort from the fact that others feel this way as well. Give yourself that time to focus on what will make YOU happy. Feeling lost after a divorce is natural and common. Whether you're 32 years old or just 2, whether you're one-half of the once happily . But it still hurts and may always. You arent able to find joy in your life as it is. a loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed and hobbies. 'We were still in love when our marriage ended' I got divorced because of a communication breakdown (that oversimplifies it, really) but I regret it because we were probably still in love when. I will be praying for you Lerlie, and for each and everyone that have shared their pain and hurt as well on the comments. Hang on there, you are so precious to God, and there is not one moment whatsoever that He has not been by your side, He will carry you thru this. Because she is grieving a death A death she may have chosen A death he may have chosen But it is a death, nonetheless. And I have not been able to shake my own love for him, even though he hurt me so deeply. Thanks agai, appreciate what youve written. At every appointment, they can hold both parties to a standard of respect and non-judgment. And I miss hugs and kisses. I worked hard, did everything for him, but it wasnt enough.They married 18 months after our divorce ( 9 months ago, and went on honeymoon to one of our favourite places) They have a fantastic lifestyle, whereas I have had to go back to work. In the past 5 years I have gained more confident. Couple years later, I still float back into hope and denial stages. 1. You need to remember that you still have a future. March 2, 2023, 8:09 AM. All the you statements are certainly not appropriate. "I think we are done", he says. However, while you may expect to feel a bit sad about your ex moving on, you may be surprised or confused at the . And its been tuff, specially when He was the unfaithful, controlling, abusive one. I wish for better days. No doubt my personal history comes into play as well; I was single into my 30s having declined a few proposals, deferring marriage until I was ready, convinced I had made an excellent choice. That alone really destroys me when I think about it but I have to be strong for my little granddaughter who I have not met yet but one day I hope to. And I have learned to respect the individual better and how to love not control, I have learned all that but one thing that I have learned looking back I can see how I got like that its tough being a man in this world women want both sides of it they wanna man that is strong and can take care of them but at theyre same time they want the freedom to be able to do whatever they want at any time and if you question it youre controlling I took it as that did not understand that I was being so controlling I believe I was I think although in my heart and mind I thought I was doing the right thing for my children and my wife the things that I tried to get us to do Or the way I had As us live Truly in my heart I thought it was the best for us not just for myself but I can see now that I did not respect her individual feelings I shouldve let her have her space and Ive learned what it would take to be a good man so the what I hold onto is hopefully shell know and understand that I have learned all this and many other things and can love me again and come back. "@type": "Answer", As parents of a "broken home," my ex and I know in our hearts that we did as best as we could for as long as we could, but in the end, it didn't work. You choose to leave now leave me alone. Ive heard the lectures about moving on after divorce many times. Only now I realise all that I feel, others feel too. Then I feel the empty space profoundly not for a man I do not miss but where a family history of four ought to be. Some changed for the better, some are still works in progress. Im mostly happy, but the corners stay sad. I gave someone my entire heart, promises, vows, ups, downs, physical intimate moments, and emotional intimate moments I never thought I could give and share with someone. When people live together as a husband and wife, they love each other and treasure each moment that they spend. I had an amazing marriage, and I loved being a husband. Come discover on this free, award-winning website the two secrets 250,000 parents have used to save their money, make their own decisions, and create their better futures. I have spoken to a lawyer and have all the supporting information. I just dont know how I could have been so blind. Can you be completely happy after divorce? They touched upon painful feelings, paranoia, debt, and loss of friends. Do things you wish you would have done and still can do. As others, I am so glad I found this article, and reading the comments I now realise I am not being stupid. A divorce hangover is an ongoing connection with your ex-spouse or former life that keeps you agitated or depressed, unhappy, and stuck in the past. I thought I was taking forward steps. I can relate a lot with you. I cannot seem to get a hold of myself. Commit yourself to enjoy life and move on without fear. I am still sick about all of the deceit after being together since high school. After 28 years, my husband wanted a life with a very younger woman and has subsequently erased his family. 0. I initiated it. I do wish you peace, as I wish this for everyone in our situation. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, As I feel like I should be over it 6 years on but Im not. As Cheryl Lawrence says above, I live with dead dreams. While I respect and have empathy for the commentors (and wriiter) who have found another partner and know that this does not eradicate their pain I cannot help but wonder why not me? walnut creek country club south lyon membership fees, town of newburgh police exam, jest cannot find module,

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